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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25608685">Hold Me, Keep Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanctuaria/pseuds/Sanctuaria'>Sanctuaria</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Celebrating AoS Season 7 (with angst and hurt/comfort) [14]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Canonical Character Death, Daisy needs a hug AGAIN and Nathaniel needs to get quaked off this earth, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Grief/Mourning, May as hug-provider, episode 7x10, season 7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 07:26:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,284</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25608685</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanctuaria/pseuds/Sanctuaria</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place immediately after the events of 7x10, so, *spoilers.*</p><p>“May,” she gasps out, folding into her embrace. “She’s gone, May. And I—” She’s drowning, she definitely is, that’s what this feels like, no air reaching her lungs. “—I had just found her again.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jiaying &amp; Skye | Daisy Johnson, Melinda May &amp; Skye | Daisy Johnson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Celebrating AoS Season 7 (with angst and hurt/comfort) [14]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1764745</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>60</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>178</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Hold Me, Keep Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Me: okay it's 2am time to sleep!<br/>My brain: *replays Jiaying's death*<br/>My brain: *replays Jiaying's death*<br/>My brain: *starts spitting out fanfic lines to the fic it REFUSED to write at a much more reasonable hour earlier*<br/>Me: ...frick</p><p>Hi yes it's 4:30am now so if this sucks I apologize but this episode gave me FEELINGS</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She runs forward, her legs fighting against air that has suddenly turned viscous, the lights of the Lighthouse flying by in slow motion. They give out as she reaches her, her knees slamming into the concrete floor and exploding in a pain she doesn’t feel, reaching for her mom. Shaking fingers touch hair, the upturned side of Jiaying’s face, sightless eyes blank and open and empty.</p><p>Soft.</p><p>Her mom’s hair is soft.</p><p>She never knew that before.</p><p>Daisy’s hands grasp at her shoulder, at her side, but there’s nothing she can do. “Mom,” she bites out, choking on the word until she can’t breathe, can’t do anything except gently set Jiaying’s head into a more natural position and pull her gently onto her lap. She’s shaking, trembling, rocking back and forth, the world alternately going hot and cold as her eyes remain locked on her slack face.</p><p>“Mom…”</p><hr/><p>“You’re my…” Skye says, unable to finish the sentence. Her heart surges in her chest, realization and happiness and disbelief all at once as she stares at this woman, her Guide, the leader of Afterlife.</p><p>At her mother.</p><p>“Deep down, I think you knew,” Jiaying says, eyes shining. Skye can’t do anything but nod helplessly, happy tears choking her over any words she might say.</p><p><em>Mom</em>, she dares to think as she looks at her, drinking her in and wanting to hug her and wondering if that would be weird, so soon. But <em>oh</em>, she wants to. <em>Mom, I finally found you.</em></p><hr/><p>“Daisy,” someone says behind her, a voice as if from far away. She’s dimly aware of someone crouching down her, a hand on her back, but nothing is as important as the limp body in front of her, her head cradled in her lap. Daisy can’t let her go, can’t let her go for anything, even as the skin cools beneath her fingers, because her mother has powers, and she can’t let go for a moment or she might really never come back.</p><p>“Daisy,” the voice says again, and she feels someone tuck themselves close behind her, arms wrapping around her shoulders, and she <em>knows</em> those arms, that faint scent of jasmine.</p><p>“No,” she says, and begins struggling. “No—”</p><hr/><p>Her mother’s hands caress her face, salty sea wind whipping past them both before those same soft, warm hands grip her jaw like a vice. The cold, numbing sensation spreads from those points of contact as she stares at Jiaying’s face, chilling her to her very core and sapping the strength from her limbs.</p><p>Skye raises her hand, focusing on the vibrations despite the screaming protests of her body and the even louder ones of her mind asking <em>where did this all go wrong</em>. The eight-year-old foster kid forever trapped inside her holds up a broken water glass, <em>how can I fix it</em>—</p><p>And her insides are glass too, ripping her to shreds, because this is her power, this is the power her mother taught her to use, and control, and accept, turned on the woman she searched for her whole life. Skye’s clawed hand reaches Jiaying’s shoulders, sending the desperate waves of power running through her, splitting open the mother she longed for so dearly at the seams, cracks of red bleeding out from every one of her scars.</p><p>“Please, stop,” the voice of her father says, and Jiaying’s grip loosens just enough for her to look at him. He’s calmer than she’s ever seen him, and she hates how that terrifies her, how she would shy away if she had any remaining control over her limbs.</p><p>But everything is so cold, and the manic light in Jiaying’s eyes is only growing stronger…</p><p>“You don't have to do this,” Cal says. “You don't have to live with that pain.” He reaches for her mother’s neck; Jiaying’s fingers go slack at her throat. “I will.”</p><p>It’s the snapping sound of a severed spine that she knows will haunt her dreams.</p><hr/><p>“Daisy, it’s me,” May says, only tightening her grip despite Daisy’s thrashing. The pain and sorrow are already too clear in her voice.</p><p>“No!” she nearly shouts, pushing away her hand. “You shouldn’t have to feel this.” It comes back, wrapping around her, stroking her hair, obstinate. “You shouldn’t have to—you’ll die for me too, just like she did, and I can’t lose you too—“</p><p>She pummels May’s arms with her fists, twisting away any way she can, because she doesn’t want be comforted, she doesn’t, she doesn’t <em>she doesn’t she doesn’t</em>—</p><p>She <em>does</em>, and it’s all she’s ever wanted from a mother, and it’s that knowledge that will break her.</p><p>“May,” she gasps out, folding into her embrace. “She’s gone, May. And I—” She’s drowning, she definitely is, that’s what this feels like, no air reaching her lungs. “—I had just found her again.”</p><p>“I know,” May murmurs, tucking Daisy in close, until her head is pressed against the inner part of her shoulder. “I know, Dais. I’m so sorry.”</p><p>“M-mom,” she chokes out, beginning to sob in earnest. “Sh—she—”</p><hr/><p>“I hurt you,” Jiaying says, and in that instant Daisy sees the pain in her eyes, the fear of what she has not yet done and not yet become. Daisy sees love, and the childhood, the future they could have had.</p><p>
  <em>“Mommy!” Daisy squeals, running into the kitchen on tiny toddler feet, waving a piece of paper covered in crayon. “Look, I drew Daddy as a potato-head!”</em>
</p><p><em>“Mom!” Daisy shouts, stamping her foot in what she thinks is an indignant, powerful way despite the fact that she only comes up to Jiaying’s waist. “But I want cookies </em>now<em>.”</em></p><p><em>“I’m ready, Mom,” Daisy tells her, a pendant engraved in Chinese hanging from a red string around her neck. Jiaying kisses her forehead before she goes to get one of the ancient blue crystals ribboned with silver, whispering, “I know,” “I’m so proud of you,” and “your gift is going to be </em>beautiful<em>.”</em></p><p>
  <em>“Mom,” Daisy says, hovering in a doorway with shaky, excited hands and a faint blush to her cheeks that certainly has nothing to do with the cute, golden-haired doctor who’s recently arrived at Afterlife, “how do you tell a boy you like him?”</em>
</p><p>The pain in Jiaying’s gaze doesn’t go away, only deepens, widens, anguish and regret and Daisy knows she’s seeing herself as the monster Daisy thought her so long to be. “Your mother…you were talking about me.”</p><hr/><p>“—she realized she hurt me, right before she died,” Daisy gulps, her face pressed far into May’s shoulder as she can possibly get it, her voice muffled by the leather-polyester combination of her jacket. “And she won’t know it wasn’t her fault and that it was Whitehall and—”</p><p>“Shhh,” May soothes, beginning to rock her back and forth. Tears drip down on the top of Daisy’s head and she knows May must be crying too, and it’s Daisy who’s <em>making her</em> do that, but the woman who is her S.O. and so much more will not let go. </p><p>“Why does everyone always die,” Daisy mumbles, breaths becoming ragged gasps. “I just got her back, I didn’t even have the chance to love her—” She cuts off, choking on air that doesn’t seem to reach her, blackness tunneling in at the edges of her vision.</p><p>May grabs her hand, placing it on her chest. “Feel my heart,” she says, her voice remarkably calm despite the undercurrent of Daisy’s panic that she cannot quite shake from her tone. “Feel my breaths, Daisy. I’m here.” The heartbeat surges, fast but steady, underneath Daisy’s palm. “I’ve got you. Breathe with me.”</p><p>“Wǒ yǒngyuǎn bù huì líkāi nǐ, Daisy.”</p><p>“I’ve got you.”</p><p>“I’ve got you.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Translations:<br/>Wǒ yǒngyuǎn bù huì líkāi nǐ - I will never leave you</p><p>Any and all feedback appreciated &lt;3</p></blockquote><div class="children module" id="children">
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